There’s a lot of folks coming to Walt Disney World, but most of them don’t know how to do Walt Disney World. Make sure to pack your bag with lots of water, ponchos in case it rains, cameras, and sunscreen. Also be on mushrooms. A lot of mushrooms. Trust me, even all that boring Epcot stuff is spellbinding while on mushrooms.
First thing you need to do is go directly to Space Mountain. Should be easy to find cause, like, you ARE Space Mountain, man.
Don’t bring a baby. You’re gonna have to spend your entire day taking care of a baby! That baby isn’t going to know what’s going on because he’s a freaking baby and everyone around you is going to hate you because they’re on mushrooms and little baby voices really trip them out right now. It’s just no good for all parties involved.
Be constantly running at a full sprint. I dunno if it saves time at all, but you’ll at least outrun the trolls from that trippy Norwegian ride.
Keep cool, man. The security guards at Disney aren’t cops, just nice old men with stickers.
Don’t look into Rafiki’s eyes! He is a shifty baboon shaman and he sees your future in the wind.
Remember to watch Tarzan when you get home. “You’ll be In My Heart” came on the park’s background track and you were vibing real hard with whatever Phil Collins was singing about. How good was that movie?
Go to the Hall of Presidents and confirm your conspiracy theory that all the U.S Presidents meet in secret to talk about you.
GO TO EPCOT! A lecture on the advancement of human communication in a geodesic sphere is EXACTLY what you want to hear right now.
Make sure that when you’re coming down off of your Disney drug adventure that you don’t do so while in the ‘It’s a Small World’ ride. That place is nothing but babies.
There are whole books dedicated to how to plan a trip to Disney World, but really all you need is what your friend from high school who calls himself ‘Axel’ can provide—a little funky fungi. Give this a share to your friends on Facebook and teach them how to do Disney right.
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